Before you insist to read on, i must warn you that it is sad news….. the reason for my recent disappearance online is that something has happened at home and to my dad.
He has been experiencing back pain for over a month and nobody actually thought itÂ may be something serious as the elderly often experience abit of pain and aches here and there.Â Till the day where the pain got soÂ extreme that my dad felt his legs turning numb and weak (dun even have theÂ strength to stand at all) then we realized the gravity of it. HeÂ was admittedÂ into the hospital at 6am and the rest of the events was like a whirlwind…..
Doctors found a tumour growing on his spineÂ andÂ it was compressing on his nervesÂ causing the back pain and his legs to turn numb and losing feeling. An operation was urgently required to remove it to prevent further damage. It was also crucial to save his legs from paralysis. Dad lost alot of blood during operation and was kept in High Dependency Ward for observation. The biopsy of the tumour cells showsÂ metastatic cancerÂ presented. Primary source of cancer unknown cos all major organsÂ are not infected.Â Â
After further test they found a 2nd tumour in the oesophagus and that is the primary source of theÂ metastatic cancer. So the actual diagnosis is that my dad has gotten cancer of the oseophagus.Â Â We were devastated as the news cameÂ so suddenly and we do not know how to react.Â When the cancer has turned metastatic it is actually at the final stage. How are we to accept the fact that my dad will not be around in a few months time??? He has been all well and healthy and this is really a sudden blow to us especially mom. I dunno how or what to think except to stay strongÂ so that my mom can leanÂ on me for support.
I am truly sadÂ but i know i have to acceptÂ reality. Fact is fact and nothing much can change anything.Â Something i realised from this situation is that perhaps in times like this you wish that someoneÂ may be able to offer some help or words of comfort but instead you receive nothing from this person and seems like he dun care enough. Of cosÂ it is just my own thought. In my heart i already know the answerÂ to who is the one who truly cares and loves me.Â Â
Pain is not the word…..
Sad is not the word……
Just numb….. for now……..